But nobody ever said that it was going to be easy...
Today was tough, 14 days into the new year and I had my fist breakdown! I got my first piece of graded work back from uni and it was hardly great! I passed but only barely and as a perfectionist, for me that just isn't good enough.
I came home and cried, and not just cried I sobbed! It wasn't just the mark, it felt like I was giving up on myself, everyone around me had done better than me and there I was, "below average" again. Sometimes I feel like life's unfair, it's hard. I do not have well educated parents and the school I'm from was pretty much as far from private school as it gets. I've never really been taught how to write an essay!
Sometimes it can be hard to realise that what your dreaming of is going to be hard work. I kind of assumed everything would just work, it would all just slot into place. I'm learning it doesn't work like that.
So this is where I'm at, my self- esteems at rock- bottom, I have no belief left in myself and I'm still crying! However, I'm still holding on to one thing, hope! I have hope that tomorrow will be better, hope that everything will eventually work out and the hope that someday I'll learn how to believe in myself (and be able to write a decent essay).
And guess what, hopes a very powerful thing!
Don't count me out just yet...
Talk to you tomorrow, Chloe xx
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